- Photos from post-menopausal mothers with a blurry thumb in the bottom right quadrant.
- Naturally curly-haired men, wearing earrings, exiting motel pools.
- Fat high school French teachers driving Geo Metros.
- Grandmas wearing pilled sweaters declaring “Breakfast for Dinner? That’s crazy!”
- Walruses dressed like Mario Batali.
- Dogs who turn to look when their owners greet friends named Doug.
- Dougs who turn to look when dog owners announce the kind of pet they have.
- Journalists asking the question “Are Men Funny?”
- Bonsai trees shaped like Lionel Richie’s head
- Existentialist cats who play bassoons but would rather play oboes.
Tomorrow night, I'm telling jokes at The Institution along with a bunch of other funny folks! Proceeds from the show help some of my favorite improvisers, iScream Sandwich, find their way to a festival in Hawaii. Hula-hay! Details and ticket info.
I'm performing at the 2014 Big-Little Comedy Fest in Cleveland on Thursday, July 17 at Kennedy's Cabaret Theatre! I'm so excited to perform at this festival that I had to share the news with LeBron James. I'm pretty, pretty sure that's what sealed the deal on his decision to return to Cleveland. To everyone I know in Cleveland (do I know anyone in Cleveland?) buy tickets and I'll see you soon!
I'm excited to be in this show on Saturday! Date Night, on DATE NIGHT, very revolutionary stuff. Come see it! You don't even have too be on an actual date to attend. Really, we put too much emphasis on this whole "are you seeing someone?" business. You're amazing! All by yourself. So embrace it, already! People who are dating should come to this show too. What better way to be a couple than to go out in public and flaunt it and hold hands, right? Also, for an hour or so, you can just be present with your date and stop worrying about where this whole thing is going and whether or not you're better off single. Are you in this thing, or what? Love the one you're with. It's like you WANT to be alone for the rest or your life or something! Sheeeesh! Anyway. Come out and see some jokes. 10 pm.
On Sunday, June 8, Erica Lies and I pitched our show idea at the ATX TV Festival Pitch Competition. Out of hundreds of submissions, we were among the top ten finalists to pitch our show idea in under 3 minutes in front of five industry judges. It was a thrilling event, and we had so much fun pitching, hanging out with the other participants, and meeting the judges and the moderator Ben Blacker of Nerdist Writer's Panel and Thrilling Adventure Hour fame. We did not "win" the competition, but we still think our idea rocks and we did gain some great experience talking about our show. Did I also mention that we had FUN? Because we really, really did. And we hope to stay connected to the other participants, most of whom are working on comedies like us, and all of whom were really fucking cool. Up next for team NiesLies: sending our pilot script to contests and starting work on our next show idea. Here's some photos from our ATX Television Festival weekend.
Last night I participated in the Funniest Person in Austin contest at Cap City Comedy and performed standup in front of the largest audience I've been in front of. It was amazing(ly scary, yo.) And also a lot of fun. And also really frightening. And also a great time! And also, oh god, why did I sign up for that? And also, I'm so happy I signed up! From what I saw, the performances were all pretty funny. Kath Barbadoro, Dean Kirkpatrick, and Jesse Mundy will deservedly advance to the semi finals. And though I didn't advance, I consider the night a 100% success. I did nothing ridiculous; also no weird bodily explosions happened, which irrationally concerned me most; and best of all, I got a tape--one where my face isn't completely washed out from bright stage lights!
Here's me telling jokes on a stage while wearing a dress with dogs on it at FPIA 2014!
This Saturday I'm performing sketch comedy with the lovely and hilarious Erica Lies at Bitterfest. Come to the show and see what Fiona Apple and a compulsive veggie eater have in common. (Hint: it has something to do with bitterness). Third wheels get in free (3 tix for the price of 2--promo code: Thirdwheel). The Institution Theater, 8 pm, February 22.
Last night I won this award from members of The Institution Theater community in Austin. This makes me genuinely happy and grateful and like running into a bathroom and never coming out. Also pictured, some old celery I need to toss because posting accolades is awkward and embarrassing and goes against my upper Midwestern roots.
I won a competition and $500 for a Girls spec script I wrote about a gigantic box of condoms. What? Wow! That's a pretty swell thing to happen! My ego thanks the contest people for validating my comedic script writing skills. And, my condo association thanks the contest people for an unexpected payment toward a special assessment for my neighbors' new siding. Easy come, easy go. http://acclaimtv.netfirms.com/
This Saturday, I'm hosting the Triple Scoop at The Institution Theater for Harold Night! Three incredibly funny troupes will take the stage to perform improv in the Harold format, a structure made famous by Chicago's iO Theater and the Upright Citizens Brigade. Oh, and I'm gonna tell some jokes! Probably about food. Enter "Scoop" when you check out online for a discount.